Why I Do Not Care What People Think & Why I Do
Read this disclaimer first!
MY EARLY YEARS WERE A HUGE CHALLENGE
When I was a teenager, and even in my 20s, I had a very low self-esteem and I was very shy.
Having to do public speaking in school I was so nervous my heart was pounding and I would almost just freak out like inside I was just in a panic.
Even being around other people at all that I did not know was incredibly intense for me. I was always scared they would speak to me. lol
The problem was caused by one thing: I put waaaaaaaay too much importance on the things other people said and what they seemed to think OF ME.
Fortunately, from an early age I valued hard work and I was very entrepreneurial even though I was so nervous and socially awkward. I did what I could to make money including mowing lawns in the summer and shoveling snow in the winter.
And during my teenage years I invested that money into myself.
Whenever my family would go to a location that had a bookstore nearby I would go there. When we would occasionally take the long trip to the mall I always headed straight to the bookstore. I also went to the town library whenever I could get over there.
I would focus on only 4 sections: Self Improvement, Computer Games & Programming, Entrepreneurial/Business, and Fitness.
So much of my focus was on reading those self-improvement books during my high school years. Reading about the mind in general and overcoming a low self-esteem and becoming more confident specifically.
Over time as I absorbed the material at a deep level my self image improved.
As time passed, I focused more on other personal development topics but this core is what I needed at the beginning. I had a long road to get from where I was back then to where I am now. lol
After reading dozens, perhaps more than 100, different self help, personal improvement books over the decades, many of them multiple times, it all became just a natural part of who I am.
I DO NOT CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT ME
I couldn't care any less what other people think about me.
Instead of being hyper-focused on everyone else & what they are thinking, when I am out in the world, it's just me and what I am doing that is on my mind.
Of course, I encounter people all over but there is zero emotional nonsense involved. Zero fear. Zero wondering what they are thinking about me.
I do have an interest in others. Not caring about what others think about me is not the same as not caring about other people period. Certainly, I am a friendly person. Open. Helpful.
However, I do not care at all what someone else actually thinks about me.
The reason is because over my life I learned this very simple thing: People think exactly what they WANT to think about me.
And going along with that: What other people think about me has absolutely NOTHING to do with ME. It is only a reflection of themselves and how THEY are interpreting things.
When I really "got that" it just made such a huge difference.
In addition, most people cannot relate to me. Not everyone can understand someone being so interested in continual improvement. Not every person is into programming or game dev or health & fitness. Not every person wants to explore different religions and spiritual beliefs.
It simply isn't realistic for me to expect others to be able to relate to me and understand why some things are very important to me and why some things bring me a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction - things that they just do not "get" at all.
Finally, most people are so busy dealing with their own lives and their own self-doubt spending so much time worrying about what everyone else is thinking about them - they really don't have time or energy to be thinking about me (or anyone else) anyway.
WHEN I CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT ME
When others actually relate to my interests. When they understand the satisfaction that comes from making a program work. When they appreciate the discipline needed to stick with doing hard things for a long time. When they seek to continually improve themselves. When they are open-minded and curious about life and want to learn in general.
It's the people like this who are like-minded... the ones who "get me" and therefore are sometimes even supportive of what I am doing that are worth me spending a bit of time thinking about what they think about me and appreciating them for it.
I used to have it completely backwards and I think I am not alone in that.
I used to spend all of my thought and energy focused on what the people thought about me who did not "get me" or those who chose to see only the bad in me! :p
Really, I think a lot of that was a desire to try to "prove" that I wasn't who they thought I was or to otherwise gain their "approval" or some other nonsense like that.
Spending so much energy & time on people who very clearly weren't "my people" is just so completely backwards!!! LOL!
I appreciate the people who choose to see the good in me and can relate to at least some of the same interests I have. I appreciate the people who have similar values to mine.
And for the others, I hope they have a great life and find "their people" who are like-minded. :)